Letting Go is Key to Getting What You Want

LETTING GO TO LET THE LIGHT IN

“The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Letting go is the key to creating a life we love. First we must figure out why we hold on to things that makes us unhappy and get in the way of our dreams. When we were young, most of us believed that if we played our cards right, some version of our dreams was inevitable! Even in my darkest moments, I believed with utter fervor and commitment that if I worked hard enough, did the right things, and followed the right path, I would achieve a fulfilling and meaningful life. I knew it would not be perfect, but it would be good enough.

Little did I know then that I would not achieve my highest aspirations, at least not when I thought I would!  My attempts to reach my goals were thwarted at every turn. I was trapped in a mindset that I had acquired as a young child. Now I see that I was guided by forces outside my conscious awareness. My decisions were based on a combination of habit, ego, and an immature idea of love. It is crystal-clear to me (now that I have really “come of age”), that life is not what it seems when we are young!

Fifty years of effort and determination had brought me no nearer to my goal. It seemed my life had been wasted. I’d given away everything I had and kept nothing for myself.

A LIFE WASTED

My first step toward letting go of the past was to announce to myself and anyone listening. “I’m done doing for everyone else. I’m finished living for my children, my parents, my husband, my friends, my animals, and my job! It’s time for me!” The intuitives in my life undoubtedly heard the panic in my voice as well. Beneath the outrage was the fear, “I’m running out of time.”

It has been almost ten years since my “mid-life crisis”. I still battle some of the same false beliefs, but it is a battle fought with more wisdom…and self-compassion. Iyanla Vanzant’s quote sums up an important lesson. “The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want”.  When we cling tenaciously to things that have no real meaning to us we cannot create a meaningful life. Instead we are trapped, bound, and unhappy, whether by material possessions, jobs, ideas or outdated patterns of behavior.

LETTING TO IS AN ONGOING PROCESS

While letting go is key, it is not always simple, or easy. Most importantly it isn’t a once and done kind of thing. In order to find a life of joy and meaning we must let go, over and over again. It is the only way to keep moving forward and continue to improve our quality of life. When we cling to something that does not bring us joy, we can be certain we are heading away from our dreams, and likely driven by fear or insecurity.

The process of holding on also takes up the emotional and practical space necessary for something better. At these times we also tend to add other self-defeating choices to the mix. We try to kill the pain and discomfort of living outside of ourselves. As we numb our feelings with alcohol, material things, vacations, a new romance and a myriad of other escape tools, we fill our days with placebos from the hedonistic to quasi-spiritual. We simply muffle our fears and only accomplish a temporary escape.

As we learn to let go of those things that do not make us happy and fill the space with something that does, our load lightens. We feel energized and even begin to wake up happy. There is a period of discomfort when we have only empty space. Consider turning toward and embracing the silence. Sitting with the discomfort, rather than pushing it away, holds treasures worth waiting for.