When I see elderly couples together it warms my heart. Whether they are husband and wife, or friends walking arm in arm offering support and comfort to one another, I am lifted up. Aging doesn’t have to be a lonely, miserable venture. It can be a time of building trust and lowering our defenses as we come face to face with our utter humanity.
Our culture is one that reveres independence. It heralds the valiant individualist. Women of our generation, in particular, fought hard to gain respect as individuals. We worked diligently to stand on our own two feet and not be depending on a man for our survival. We are a generation who is fiercely independent. Perhaps that is why we feel so threatened by the aging process.
We fear aging because we fear that sickness or frailty will rob us of the independence we fought so hard to achieve. We will become dependent on someone, or something other than ourselves. We will, in the end, somehow not be able to be there for ourselves.
Independence has its value, but what we really sought was the freedom to live up to our fullest potential as people, regardless of our gender. Independence, self-sufficiency was often a mask we wore to make sense of the surge of power with which we were not yet comfortable. We had to pretend we knew what we were doing because we didn’t. We were learning.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned as we age is how utterly interdependent we are as human beings, and how fortunate we are to be thus. Love and devotion, tolerance, sympathy, empathy, compassion are beautiful things to experience, both coming in and going out. It is our interdependence that provides the richness and texture to life. It’s not Hollywood perfect, but sharing life with another person in any given moment is rich, meaningful, and often even necessary.
As we age and lose our ability to maintain our independence we have the opportunity to learn humility, respect, gratitude and trust. What wonderful lessons to be learned.
© Dorothy Sander 2013
IT’S EASIER TO BE HAPPY WHEN….
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“We fear aging because we fear that sickness or frailty will rob us of the independence we fought so hard to achieve.” So true! Humility, respect, gratitude, and trust ARE wonderful lessons to be learned, and I hope I’m up to the task.
I have learned what you have learned. My love of my life passed away at 49 years, leaving behind myself & two children. During the last days of his life we connected in the deepest ways. He asked me if he had been lucky. For once, I put myself first. Yes he had been lucky, he had me, a daughter, a son, a nice home & a job he loved. What he didn’t have was his health. Everyday, every human interaction is a gift. Especially, the power of a touch, a hug, eye to eye contact.
Thank you for writing from your heart.
Jill
Thank you, Jill. Life is not easy for any of us, but it is worth it…in all the ways you describe. Gathering together and supporting each other and sharing what we learn each day through the aging process has given me strength and hope. I appreciate so much that you took the time to share a bit of your journey here. Dorothy
This has touched my heart so dearly, . The power of Life and death, . On December 2, 2017. MY BELOVED DADDY DEPARTED his journey home, his heavenly . Watching him as he gracefully took his last breath made me more wiser just how precious life is, Value every moment with your loves ones, because Surely you born in this world, you will surely depart for you eternal home with the Savior ou this universe Jesus Christ. May God Forever Bless.