WHAT BELIEFS ARE DRIVING YOU?

Our beliefs shape our lives.

One belief, wrongly held, can cast a shadow over one’s entire life.
What do you believe? Do you know what’s driving you?

Over the last decade in my work with women over fifty, I have heard said countless times, “I don’t feel that way anymore”, and “I don’t worry about that anymore. It’s just not important.” The process of self-evaluation often begins in earnest when our bodies begin to show signs of aging. There is a moment when we must face that we are no longer “young”. In our youth driven society that can come as quite a shock! I now see it as a gift.

A shock kind can be what we need to shake us out of our complacency; something that forces us to ask the hard questions and to look at what we believe at the most fundamental level. When we begin to ask questions such as, “what do I believe”, we set in motion a tidal wave of change.

Our external lives cannot change until and unless we change on the inside. This is not the option that is the easiest and therefore, it is common to avoid it.  We live as if it’s easier to tolerate our discomfort, or we choose to change externals.  We imagine that if we get a new job, a new house, a new spouse, a new blouse all will be well. Has that ever worked for you in the long run? It hasn’t for me.

In order to live a congruent, energy filled life it is essential to align our insides with our outsides. In other words, it is necessary to recognize and evaluate our fundamental beliefs, both conscious and unconscious. I believe life challenges us to do this, if by nothing else than by the pain and suffering created when we go against our authentic selves.

What questions need asking?

Knowing what questions to ask comes with whatever difficulty we are facing. For example, when my mother was in the last years of her life a conflict arose in my family as to where she should live. I wanted to bring her home to live with my husband and me. My four siblings wanted her to stay in the retirement home where she moved shortly before my father died. My mother gave me every indication that she wanted to live with us. In fact, she told me repeatedly she was desperate to get out of the retirement home and get back into a more comfortable home environment. However, she did not ask me directly, nor would she. She was of a generation of women who did not know how to ask for anything for themselves, so it was left to me to read between the lines and decide what to do. Fortunately, I was aware of the pattern, and while the choice was not easy, I made the one that I needed to make. This set of circumstances brough the questions to the surface. Here are some of the questions I had to ask myself:

• • • Is it worth creating a rift with my siblings that could cause long problems between the siblings long after my mother was gone?
    • Was my perspective of the situation of any more valid than my siblings?
    • Am I responsible for my mother’s happiness?
    • Is her happiness more important than my own?

I learned several valuable lessons about my beliefs while making this decision.

1. 1. I value and respect all of the members of my family.
   2. We are each responsible for our own happiness. My mother’s happiness was not my responsibility.
   3. My immediate family, my husband and children, were at the top of my priority list.
   4. My well-being was also at the top of this list.

Asking the question is the first step.

When we look at problem circumstances in our lives, it is time to address our underlying beliefs. Rather than asking the question, what should I do, or try to figure out what another person wants,  step back and consider where you stand on the issues. You may want to begin by asking, what do I believe to be true for me in this situation, and what are my underlying beliefs and values as they pertain to this situation. Formulating the deepest, richest question you can will take you in the direction of your best resolution.