How to Be Authentic and the Mother-of-the-Groom

BEING AUTHENTIC.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what this really means for you? A thousand times each day, with each action, decision, choice or lack thereof that we make, we are called upon somewhere deep inside of ourselves to show up authentically. It’s an energetic, biochemical necessity. Research keeps supporting what many spiritual teachers and healers have known for eons and that is that if we are living a lie our body is going to reveal its dissatisfaction through illness, discomfort or worse.

When we act from a place that is not in alignment with our heart we experience stress in one way or another. It takes effort to live in confusion and it is exhausting. We may experience it as depression or anxiety or actual illness. We may become irritable, angry or confused. Decisions are hard to make and nothing feels right.

I have been in the process of shopping for a dress to wear to my son’s wedding in May. You’d think that would be reasonably doable. Every other woman I know who is attending the wedding has already happily purchased their attire. I find that almost comical! I’ve gone to numerous stores in the area and shopped online until my eyes crossed. Nothing. I’m down to two weeks.

This may appear to be a rather mundane example, but my confusion and disconnect from yet another part of me, is simply another step in my healing and growth process; in my search for my authentic self. It’s also evidence that I”m not quite there yet! 🙂 I have gone through enormous changes over the last decade – enormous interior changes. I am much more in touch with who I am than I was at fifty … or even sixty. What I am facing now in this superficial decision of what to wear to my son’s wedding, is a continuation of my attempt to bring forth the real me in external form. I want to wear something that reflects who I am now, for myself … not anyone else.  Nothing I have found so far does that. What started out as a very unconscious struggle – frustration with my choices and endless shopping – is now coming to the surface in a deeper understanding of the nature of my growing, evolving self.  I have kept my true self buried for so long, have dressed it in a thousand masks, that the excavation has taken numerous iterations and now this is one more.

[tweetthis]”The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie” Karen Marie Moning..[/tweetthis]

When I step back from my ridiculous, over-analytical, crazed self in this moment I realize how internal this struggle really is. In those moments when I can get outside of myself I just have to laugh and think, wow, this really isn’t all that important! True. It is not. My son’s happiness on that day is what’s important. My showing up is what’s important. I know that and I have great confidence that I will show up in whatever form it takes as a proud, excited, loving Mom and I will forget all this pre-wedding chaos. In the meantime, I have to take on this conflict as it presents itself and learn what I can about myself in the process. Finding the truth, finding our truth is never easy, but it’s always worth it.

Have you had a recent experience where your mind was telling you to do something your heart didn’t want to do?