As we get older and our children venture off on their own, the relationship can begin to fray. Adult children often move away and build their own lives that we no longer have access to on a regular basis. In some cases, a difference in opinion on some topics can cause tension. Despite all of this, it is important to make an effort to stay connected. Now is the time to develop a more adult relationship that is focused more on support and acceptance. The days of telling our children what to do and giving them advice are over, unless they ask.
There will likely come a time when you will need to talk to your adult children about important matters. As you prepare for your elder years you may want to have an open conversation with them about what you would like from them and hear honestly what they are willing to do to assist you in the process. Such open exchanges give our adult children an opportunity to think about, organize and plan for their future better. When you do discuss these matters with your children, be sure to always be open and honest.
YOUR WILL AND TESTAMENT
There will come a time when you may want to inform your children of your will and testament and to let them know where it is kept. If it is with an attorney or in a safe deposit box it is useful to pass the information on to them. They will need this legal document in the event of your passing. Once they do have the will, they will be able to take it to an attorney. Your children will then find out how you wish your estate to be split up and inherited.
YOUR WISHES FOR FUTURE HEALTHCARE
As you get older, your healthcare needs and requirements might change. It’s a good idea to start thinking about this now while you are still fit and able to make your own decisions. Quite a few people choose to put some healthcare plans in place before they need it. If you have done so, then tell your children. They will then know that you want to receive care from RoseRock Healthcare or similar provider when the time comes. If you don’t tell them, they may choose something different and you may end up without the treatment or care you hoped for.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO HELP YOUR GRANDCHILDREN
Many grandparents want to do what they can to give their grandchildren a good start in life. One way to do this is to save money for them on a monthly basis. If you would like to do something like this, let your children know. They might have some additional ideas as to how you can help their children.
KEEP GIVING THEN LIFE LESSONS
Even though your children are adults now, they are still learning. They will also continue to benefit from your advice and counsel on important decisions, and when things get tough. To the best of your ability, be there for them by sharing your experiences and the things you learned while navigating similar situations. Many adult children value their parent’s advice on financial matters. In the best of circumstances they will pass what they learned from you on to their children.
To the extent that you are able, stay on speaking terms with your adult children. But striving to become and remain firm friends is even better!
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Our children know that they can call our financial advisor and he will do what is necessary to connect to our accounts, all with tags to their names. No probate involved. I learned some lessons when my mother died and we implemented them, so our heirs don’t have to be involved with a lawyer. Same with living will.
Giving our grandchildren life lessons is easier than most because we live in the same city. Still, we wonder about our impact sometimes. Influence, not interference, is our goal.
“Influence, not interference” – perfect! We all wonder if we’ve made a difference in our children’s lives and now our grandchildren’s lives. I love knowing that my time is not yet up with my children! In fact, the more I understand life and myself, the better our relationship gets. What a gift age can be sometimes! Now that I have my first grandchild, I’ve begun to ask the same question. What is my role? I’m becoming a fast fan of the simple, or not so simple, approach of presence in love. That’s it! It’s not what we do that matters, it’s how we show up for them. If they feel loved by us unconditionally it’s golden.