How To Help An Older Relative When Their Health Has Declined

We all think about getting older and if you have an aging parent you may be wondering how to help an older relative through the process. Planning ahead is key. Too often we wait until a parent or loved one ends up in the hospital for surgery or other health crisis, and find ourselves contributing to their care and recovery. We may, in fact, become a caregiver in one way or another. This is a brave and admirable step to take, but if you have not been in this situation before, the following advice may be helpful. 

My older relative is in the hospital, what should I do to help?

Hospitalization creates a crisis at any age, but can be more acute for an elderly person. The hospitalization of a family member quickly disrupts agendas, routines and contributes to feelings of overload, stress and anxiety. Effective organization during such a time can significantly alleviate everyone’s stress. Planning can ease the sense of crisis. Consider the following suggestions.

1. Be alert to your parent’s overall health: In advancing age, one’s health condition may change suddenly. Daily contact with your loved one and monitoring their the conditions and care can reduce the risk of hospitalization.
2. Arrive at the emergency room with an escort: An elderly person should not arrive at the emergency room alone. A family member, or caregiver, should accompany and assist their loved one through the process. If your parent lives in a care facility, find out how an emergency will be handled before it is needed. Will supervision be provided until you or a caregiver can get there?  A companion during the whole process will help reduce the elderly individual’s stress and confusion. A family member can offer reassurance and make it easier for them to cope with the diagnostic process.
3. Do what you can to make them comfortable: While in the emergency room, protect your loved one’s privacy, offer them with a drink or a light meal if allowed. Make sure they aren’t cold. Ask a nurse for a warm blanket. Limit visitors as this may add to their confusion and anxiety
4. Collaborate with the medical staff: Offer medical providers all relevant medical information. Accompany the parent for tests when possible and help them cooperate with the staff to the best of their ability. If your parent already has a guardian or carer, it is important to report this to the medical staff.
5. Accompany your loved one to the inpatient department: If your parent is to be admitted,  hospitalization in the ward, go with them as they are transported to their room and help them get settled in. Check with the nursing staff regarding procedures such as meals, medication, visiting hours, and doctor’s visits. Do what you can to ensure your loved one’s comfort.
6. Settling in: Check on TV services and the phone system. When appropriate show your loved one how to use both. Give the department staff your phone number and that of any other significant individuals and asked to be updated on your loved one’s condition.
7. Allow them rest time: If you plan to stay with your mother/father and eat with them, be sure to give them time to rest. Avoid excessive visitors. Your loved one will require maximum rest for a quick recovery. As will you.
8. Important: Take Care of You! Parental hospitalization can be lengthy and exhausting. Share the load between family members (if there are other members to help), and coordinate your visit times. Consider hiring a nurse or caregiver for the night if you have decided not to leave the parent alone. Make time for yourself, your spouse and your children too and get enough rest!
9. Prepare for their release: Maintain continuous contact with the ward staff – the nurse in charge, the ward doctor and the social worker. Request clear and detailed release letters, recommendations for further care and instructions on who to contact upon the parent’s return to the community. If has been a significant change in your loved ones health or functional condition, make sure it is clearly stated in their discharge papers. Check to see that all test results and diagnosis performed are included.  When they return home or back to a care facility, those who will be continuing care will need to be alerted to any changes. A little care and attention will make growing old at home, still possible.
10. Accompany the parent back to the community: Prepare the house for the parent’s return home.  Make sure it is clean and aired out. Stock the refrigerator with essentials and light refreshments for any visitors who stop by. Contact the family doctor responsible for implementing your parent’s ongoing care recommendations, and make sure they have received all pertinent information regarding their condition.

Encourage activity once again! 

In order to preserve physical and cognitive function, as well as, quality of life, encourage your older relatives to utilize their free time wisely. Experts recommend some key areas of activity to ensure older people are happy and healthy. 

Physical activity 

Avoiding physical activity for a long time can cause numerous health problems, including muscle degeneration, weight gain, increased levels of fats in the blood, bone density loss, increased blood pressure, heart and lung diseases, diabetes and weakening of the immune system. This must be taken seriously.

Avoiding physical activity also has psychological consequences like depression. Those who have been active all their lives can continue after retirement in their favorite activity – even if it is an intense activity such as running, cycling and swimming. Those who start exercising only after retirement should first consult their GP, and it is recommended that they start with relatively moderate activity in classes such as gymnastics, yoga, Pilates, etc. The advantage of the classes is the close professional guidance given by the instructors and the fact that these are social frameworks.  

Social and cognitive activity

The elderly benefit from involvement in social groups whose members’ interests overlap with their own. You can also find such interest groups on line, via local senior centers and other social events networks. Such involvement not only will help their mind stay active and their communication skills healthy, it will greatly improve their quality of life.

It is possible to participate in group social activities within the framework of classes held by community clubs. Creative and educational classes (such as painting, sculpture, goldsmithing, cooking and baking, photography, sewing, music, creative writing, self-empowerment workshops, language learning and computer courses) are available in many areas for a nominal fee.  If they enjoy games, playing bridge, backgammon, checkers, chess, bingo, etc. with a group may be just what they need.

In addition to social engagement, participating in some form of self-expression can do wonders for your loved one’s self-confidence.  Art, in any form, is a great way to express yourself and a wonderful creative outlet. There is no reason for an older adult to stop engaging in the things that they love. In fact, it’s probably more important than ever.

Fostering family ties

It is known that our children are eagerly awaiting our retirement so that we can devote more time to grandchildren. This intergenerational connection contributes to everyone involved: it enriches the world of the grandchildren (in conversations, in joint homework preparation, in reading books together, in joint visits to plays and museums, etc.), it reduces the burden on parents who are maneuvering between work and raising children and of course contributing to the care of grandparents. When a grandparent can be socially active, especially with their loved ones, it’s good for everyone!

Nurturing old relationships

Good friends are an essential component of a happy life. It is important to maintain contact with old friends, and to meet with them from time to time at home or in a restaurant. If in person contact isn’t possible, a phone conversation or email can help fill the gap. A planned trip together can creating memories that last a lifetime. Facebook has created a wonderful venue for reconnecting with old friendships that our busy lives have interrupted. It’s a safe and easy way to reconnect.

Growing old has its challenges and it is difficult to prepare for for all of them. But, love, nurturing and appropriate care and support can go a long way in speeding recovery from a health crisis.