How to Support a Friend Dealing with Grief

Do you have a friend or loved one who is dealing with grief? You probably want to help but aren’t sure what to say or do. The best thing we can do to support someone who is grieving is just be there. Our presence alone is an enormous comfort. Offer them a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. Grief tends to isolate the griever. By offering them your company, even when it seems not to matter to them, it does. There is no right way to handle grief, but the following tips may help you provide support to someone who has lost a loved one in their life.

#1 Offer assistance with whatever they need

The first thing you can do to help a loved one dealing with grief is offer them assistance with whatever they may need. This could be as simple as making dinner or doing the laundry for them, or making phone calls and picking up a few things at the store. Or, it may be helping them plan their loved one’s funeral by googling “funeral homes near me” to find a location. The important thing is not what you do but that you are doing something. This lets your friend or loved one know they are not alone in facing their loss and the future ahead. 

Grief doesn’t always look like grief – sometimes it looks like anger, sadness, fear or guilt; these emotions don’t necessarily mean that someone isn’t dealing with grief properly or grieving enough (or at all). Sometimes people just want an outlet for whatever emotion they’re feeling, which means sharing those feelings with others too, such as friends and family.

#2 Provide comfort and space

Some who are dealing with grief just want to be alone. They don’t want to be around people or talk about their loss. In this case, offer comfort but also give them the space they need. Let them know you’re available, but don’t insist if they say they want to be alone. Just like with offering assistance, the most important thing is letting your friend know that you are there for them no matter what.

#3 Lend a shoulder to cry on

Grief is difficult enough, but it can feel like the world has ended when someone you love dies. It is hard to know what to do or say at times, but the good news is you don’t have to say anything. Just by lending a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or a comforting hug is giving them what they need. It’s okay to listen if they want to talk. But just listen and let them know you are there for them. 

#4 Don’t give advice

Lastly, it is important to remember not to give advice because this could make your loved one feel like you are telling them how they should grieve. Everyone handles grief differently. Don’t assume that what worked for you were dealing with grief will work for another. Instead, just be there with love, compassion and a comforting hug. Most people who are grieving just want the comfort of knowing they aren’t as they struggle with their loss. 

In summary, your presence is the absolute best thing you have to offer someone who is grieving. Be present through whatever journey comes next in their life as well. Sometimes offering assistance will mean making dinner; other times, it means listening without judgement to their thoughts and emotions. Losing a loved one creates an enormous change in one’s life and it takes time to process. It’s a difficult transition and the love and support of someone close can be an enormous help.