Our expectations shape how we view and experience life. Some expectations lie outside our conscious awareness, and our dreams draw in part upon these hidden expectations. Dreams are a necessary and valuable part of life but unearthing the hidden thoughts within them can improve our relationships and our quality of life and help us understand our disappointments.HIDDEN EXPECTATIONS
One of the more common areas of life where hidden expectations appear is in relationships. In thinking about my own life, I can think of many of examples of hidden expectations that led to disappointment with profound effect. For example, at 17 I chose a college that looked like nirvana to me. A small private school, nestled into the mountains of Vermont, it offered students the opportunity to choose their own curriculum, independent study and a unique path of learning in conjunction with graduate students from the Goddard School. In other words, the freedom to learn what we wanted to learn, following our own interests. Heaven.
It was the late 60s, and the actual experience was not even close to the one I imagined. Sex, drugs and rock and roll; protest marches, overdoses, chaos, inside and out. The lack of structure was my first introduction to anarchy. After the spring of Kent State, when classes were cancelled and I skipped my exams, I dropped out.
BENEFIT OF EXPERIENCE
The young are often confused about what is real and what is not. But as we gain experience, we have much more opportunity to recognize and understand what goes into our choices. When expectations see the light of awareness, we manage them differently.
The thoughts and motivations that lie beyond our awareness are not always positive. Many of us have hidden expectations about the process of aging, built on family history, genetics, and experiences that points us in either a positive or negative direction. We watched, or are watching, our parents go through the aging process and take cues from what we see. We make assumptions let lead us to fear what we will face.
Life is not without disappointments, but if we take time to consider our expectations and the thoughts that arise from them, we can interrupt worry, improve our relationships and navigate disappointments more effectively. In the process we develop greater resilience and peace of mind. 
Dorothy
DorothyCan you think of an example of hidden expectations that led to disappointment in your experience?
Read more about this topic:
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
Atlas of the Heart Brené Brown’s newest book covering the language of emotions.
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A great reminder Dorothy. i had no idea you were up in Vermont. I was living in St. Johnsbury and Danville, VT during the late 60s, the and very much aware of Goddard and what they were up to. It was a crazy place.
Yes it was. Perhaps our paths crossed! Hope you are well. Did you move to NC?
I’ve got some balance issues but other than that am good at the moment. We have decided not to move to NC after all. We will stay here and are on the list at Westminster Canterbury of the blue Ridge. All of our friends are here as well as stablished health care. Hope you are well also and are enjoying this spring.
Westminster Canterbury is just a stone’s throw from my sister’s home on Pantops. I’ve heard good things about it. My parents were at The Colonnades. Being located near friends seems ideal. I can’t think of a better place to be than nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains in Charlottesville. I’d move there in a heartbeat if my kids weren’t here. I’m caring for my husband now and enjoying my grandson when I can. Thanks for the update!