WRITING THROUGH CHANGE

Writing through change and challenges helps me unravel my thoughts and emotions, sort them out, create space in my mind for possibilities and let go of some of the debris. It is a healing process I started when I was a teen. When things are really hard, however, I find I seldom have the discipline to continue to process.

I like this space to write. This blog. It’s small, orderly and demands nothing of me. I can choose to hit “publish” or not. I have many unpublished drafts, but today I will hit “publish” because it’s time for me to let some air into my over processed thoughts.

“The man I’ve known since I was thirteen and with whom I’ve shared the last thirty-nine years was diagnosed with Inclusion Body Myositis (IBM). An extremely rare myopathy, it is a degenerative disease of the muscles with no known cause or cure. Similar to the more familiar Lou Gehrig’s disease, IBM is estimated to strike a mere 10-112 people per 1,000,000. Progression is unpredictable, but sure and steady.”  DJS 5/2021 from Accepting Aging: Through the Caregiving Door

I wrote these words in a blog more than a year ago. My husband’s diagnosis began to change our lives more than a year before that. I thought I’d write through this change, like I have many others. But, I’m discovering that a slowly breaking heart sometimes needs to be silent. Writing through change is a valuable process and I am here, once again, to do just that. My heart wants to speak, but it also wants to be silent. On any given day it lives somewhere between facing the truth and denial.

CHANGES

Our lives have changed so much in such a short time, and it’s not all bad. Covid and politics aside, Scott and I are learning to be more resilient, to adapt to the changes that present themselves with less resistance and more resilience. Is it easy? Not on your life, but it’s doable and we are learning tons about ourselves as human beings, and each other.

Serious illness, life altering circumstances provide an opportunity to grow, both as individuals and in the case of caregiving, as couples. Those of you who have followed my blog over the years, know I’m big on using misfortune as an opportunity for change and growth. My challenges now only reinforce this belief. If we’re going to make the most of the time that we have been given here, we can’t dwell too long on our misfortunes. Period. We have to mine them for their gifts. And it’s hard work!

DENIAL

This is not to live in denial, although some denial is good for ones mental health in such circumstances! It’s more about staying in the now and being grateful for the blessings that can be found there. I believe this to be true no matter how challenging our life.

I need only think of people like Nelson Mandela or Ellie Wiesel who survived much worse things that we are now suffering. They were made stronger, wiser, more resilient people. We all have that opportunity, to call upon the deepest, strongest part of our ourselves to “stand in our danger”, weather the storm, adjust our sails, learn and grow deep and make a difference in someone else’s life because of our experiences.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.”  ~ Nelson Mandela

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”  ~ Nelson Mandela

“We know that every moment is a moment of grace, every hour an offering; not to share them would mean to betray them. Our lives no longer belong to us alone; they belong to all those who need us desperately.”

– Elie Wiesel, Nobel Acceptance Speech, December 10, 1986